Tuesday, November 15, 2005

MB Pell keeps the content coming

I talked to Bob the other day and encouraged him to take a dip in the political pool of West Chester, but he shot me down. He said he doesn't know anything about politics and is busy enough as is. He still hasn't seen X-Men II.

I said, "Bob, don't fuck with me buddy because this is me asking nicely."

He was quiet for a few seconds and then replied, "well, I don't know Pell."

I fired off three quick rounds from the 12-gauge and said, "that's probably the most true thing you've ever said Bob, but I'm in no mood for honest appraisals right now. I want action. I want a man on the scene who I can trust, an agent of change. You are Trotsky."

He was clearly confused.

"Whatever," he said, after a few more seconds.

"Good man. Now are you registered to vote?" I asked.

"Look, Pell, honestly I'm not registered to vote. I don't think I am anyhow. I don't know, OK?"

Long pause and...

"Look, I've got a lot to think about here and I'm just not in a position to take anymore onto my plate," he said. "I'm not as politically astute as I used to be when I was in Mr. Friday's class and...what is that noise?"

"I just shot a wild dog Bob, it was trying to kill my chickens. Dianna built a chicken pen and we lost three birds the other night to the devil, so I've been sitting out here waiting for him, but apparently he was wise and sent a minion. That 'noise' is the sound of death my friend."

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"Never better. The chickens lay purple speckled eggs and there's nothing like free-ranged eggs. I love dogs, but this is me laying aside my own prejudices and standing up for the weak Bob. Sure, I'd love to be inside pulling tubes and watching Simpson reruns that seem new, but instead I've decided to take action. That's why I am sitting outside in my ambush pit pulling tubes and taking the fight to the enemy."

I had to cut it short at that point because I noticed the dog had a collar and that hole wasn't going to dig itself, but I feel that I may have really touched Bob. The next time you speak with him ask him if he's registered.

He's a good man.



Anonymous said...

Political involvement does seem interesting enough. Is Bob a registered voter anyway? Top ten reasons why Bob does not get involved with politics for the time being...
10) He still hasn't seen X Men II yet.
9) His advisors specifically state that such a capricious decision could result in career suicide.
8) He must obtain certification. What type you ask? That's right.
7) He could become a target of plucky irish men everywhere. Stapled foreheads, loss of sleep, and overdoses of water are a few possible scenarios.
6) He may have to explain past inside stories such as the honey bear or the flat tire.
5) He has to prepare for Brian's Run. Dr. Stephen Poop has indicated that this one event could very well save Bob's life.
4) Nobody remembers Bob anymore; he's a has-been. The car washes are long gone.
3) Has anyone seen this guy kiss a baby?
2) He is still very committed to observing the Double D club. There is still much to be learned of this exclusive society.
1) He may have to answer to a media giant like MB Pell. Pell may say that he's on Bob's team, so he will probably send a minion (ie Glen Ranck) to get a precious story.

Now politics may be in Bob's future, but there are bigger fish to fry. Nevertheless I'm sure I'd enjoy the guilt-free sex available to me if I were in office.

Anonymous said...

I've never met this Robert Noris III character, but I like his style. He's a man's man and he's not going to let anything get in his way. There's a buzz that surrounds him and I want to be a part of it. Does he have his own blog site? Is he hetro?
God, I'm hard right now.
Spaz Dumbowskibowski
Out along the edges
Always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity